Moving from one level to the next level (The year 2015 to 2021) part 1 of 3
How you move from one phase into the next.
I was listening to an interview with Kevin Zadai, and his story sounded a lot like my story, and because he went through many of the same things as I did, of working jobs that I did not want, and going through tough situations to learn Christ even more, where the circumstance forced me to grow into a deeper relationship with Christ.
And so I started to write my story of the last yrs.
I can remember that I have always loved to write since a young age, plus I was reminded about 10 years back, that I need to write, thus the reason, on me writing some of my experiences, in the hope, that you can maybe learn from it.
And I am so sure, that many of you have had the same tough training, the same questions and the same experiences.
Your relationship with God is your ministry:
The depth that you go in your relationship with Jesus does not take place during the good times.
You sometimes have to do things that you do not want to do, to prove to God that you trust Him and obey Him.
Kevin Zadai stated: “God is more interested in my character than you being in comfort
I am able to identify with that, how about you?
I was working 2 jobs, being a single mom, with two small children, and I was given jobs that I never would’ve chosen for myself, as I preferred security and my comfort zone.
I had to learn certain trades, from different jobs to train me for what was going to come into my life 20 years later.
I had to learn how to handle people, to stop being afraid of them and crowds, how to communicate correctly, and how to serve people.
To SERVE PEOPLE? How can a middle-class white girl all of a sudden turn into a servant? That was degrading, but I was willing, my mind was on having enough money to provide for my family.
Yes, looking back, I had to learn how to become a servant.
It was only years later, that I learnt the significance of a servant.
I studied to become a Foodservice Manager, but end up working at the following places after my first husband divorced me, which was at the age of 25 years, and all the following jobs and learning curves ended at the age of 46 in 2020. So I was working in the bank, in different positions, then a Personal Assistant, Credit Clerk, was a full-time bartender, then a Farm manager, and lastly a full-time Bartender again.
It is 6 years later, and still, I am unable to be appointed in a normal 9-5job.
I gave up looking for employment, and so learned from 2020 till now, 2022, how to push forward as a Reseller.
Learning how to walk by faith, trusting God for sufficient income.
A learning curve, which is terrifying and invigorating at the same time.
I also had to make choices which affected my favour with people.
I lost a lot of friends, when I started to move into a deeper relationship with God, I was being transformed on the inside and it showed up on the outside.
My transformation started, when I dared myself, to listen to the Holy Spirit’s voice, about God loving me, and that He is not sitting there with a whip, waiting for me to fail.
The Holy Spirit assisted me with so many practical examples of how the parent feels when showing love to their child, and the child rejects it. With these practical examples, I was able to understand how Father God felt when I rejected His love for me.
Before I accepted God’s plan to go into ministry, I told God on more than one occasion to find someone else, as I am not doing it. My complaint to God was: The highest trees get the most wind, and that His fish bite. Well, no
matter what I did and how I protested, nothing worked. God would not listen to me.
Thus my journey continued.
I had to learn the discipline to seek Him.
I had to pay a price to get to know God, which meant, spending lots of time with Father God in prayer, reading, studying His Word, and submitting to the Holy Spirit, to minister unto me, and had to accept things which He showed me, that my heart was evil and that it lied to me, and that, brought along deliverance.
I never knew that I had to be set free, from so many strongholds, and lies, in my life.
I never knew how pessimistic I was.
The hardest thing for me, apart from all the changes, teachings and deliverance I had to go through, was the fact that I had to accept my destiny, knowing that I did not choose it myself. It was laid upon me, and God wanted me to fulfil that path. The one that He wrote in my book, in heaven.
I had to learn obedience, which started in my 20’s, and then, in my late 40’s I had to learn, that God also wants sacrifice from my side as well, to test me, to see if I am truly loving Him, and that I am trustworthy with the ministry, that He had planned for me.
So the tough circumstance, and fighting demons, made up most of my life, but it started to subside, when I was 47.
I started a business in 2021, as I could not find any employment, and so with that, I learnt valuable lessons, on how to believe in myself, and how to walk by faith, as to start a business, you need a lot of faith. And that act of faith / to trust God was tested again, and again, and again. Each time that I knew that my trial was over, I was blessed with the reward, of another test, but a more intense lesson.
I had to sacrifice my children, I had to let them go, which had me ending up all alone, isolated, in my flat for almost a full year, in 2021.
Jesus stepped out of eternity, into space and time for us. Jesus’ humanity of growing up on earth from a boy to a fully grown man. He was a complete man, but also completely God. Jesus chose the weak position of learning and growing as humans do, to experience all temptations that humans go through so that He could be the perfect sacrifice for all men, for all eternity. But He also came in human form because He wanted to come to save us, humans, from this broken world.
This journey was not easy for me, spiritually and physically.
I remember that I used to accuse God, as to why He made me suffer only. Since childhood, I would make the wrong choices; say the wrong thing at the wrong time, be clumsy, I was average in school, nobody liked me, being sexually abused, and just always suffering, feeling unworthy down to my bones.
I could not understand what I did wrong, as circumstance just stayed tough, except for the blissful 2 years that I was married to my beloved Sharky, before he
passed away, and then things got tough again.
In my many jobs to make ends meet, I had to learn how to handle crowds, how to handle people, how to communicate properly, how to earn respect, and trust, and in the end how to influence people and how to counsel or minister unto someone.
With this, I also had to learn how to submit myself to the Holy Spirit and how to flow with Him when He gave me a word of knowledge.
My relationship with God grew deeper / more intimate by what I suffered.
I had to learn to allow people to just be themselves and to love them without
judgment, without me being pulled in and ending up as their crutch or the villain in the story, which was tough so many times.
End of part 1