Knowing since childhood that I was chosen to be a teacher, I fought God and even told Him twice that I was not going to do what He wants me to do and that He needed to find someone else.
And then, at the age of 36, I went back to Father God, and I told Him, ok, I am ready, let’s do this, and He kept quiet.
It was only when I turned 41, when Father God spoke to me again in regards to the ministry He was preparing me for.
It was a Sunday evening. I was able to close the bar early enough, so that I could make it, to an evening sermon. We were all busy listening to the sermon, when I heard the voice of God, saying, “I am going to release you!”
Just like that, out of the blue, I was not expecting it, and I was frantic because I have learnt about the immense responsibility that you carry when teaching the Word of God. It was huge, knowing that I will be held responsible for every word I taught, scared me. So I appealed, by telling Father God that I am not ready.
That night after the sermon, Father God replied, that it will not be my knowledge or my strength that will keep me, but by His Spirit, and His presence.
I did not like it, and was scared, and I once again thought that I could out manoeuvre God, and just ignore it.
To me, the one on one ministering in obscurity was sufficient.
Some of my friends, clients at the bar, the coaching & ministering toward abused, widowed & divorced ladies on a WhatsApp group within the biking community was more than enough for me, plus it already took up so much time, and I was working full time during the week and weekends.
The words of “I am going to release you”, came just a few months after my beloved husband Sharky, passed away in 2015.
I chose to put those words on the shelf and tried to forget about it, as the following months were terrible.
My kids and I were battling to handle Sharky’s death, I was battling to make ends meet, then I got retrenched again, my bakkie was stolen, and I got involved again with the wrong man, all within a year.
Could life get any worse?
After losing my job, I was offered a sales rep job a month later, with a basic salary.
I was thrilled that God would smile upon me for a change, as being a single mom once again, is not for sissies, but, I had a problem with this sales rep job. It was the only job in the world that I did not want, as I feared a commission based living along with trying to bring up young children.
So, standing in front of my new employer, I was listening to his presentation about sales rep work, but because of the basic salary, I said yes.
I felt relieved for a while, as I was not used to miracles in my life, and it felt good.
I did cold calling, drove around, set up meetings and tried to sell this luxury item. A non-essential item.
I sold nothing in the four months of being a sales rep, not one.
How do you sell something to people when it is a luxury?
So 4 months later, I was told to go, and my first thought was: “Really?”
So, just as I was about to receive a new product that I could actually sell before I could prove myself, I was unemployed again, figuring out a week later, that jezebel and jealousy were the reasons that I had lost yet another job.
It did not help me fight it, as the jezebel was in control of the money.
I asked Father God if He had created me to be sexually abused, and not to be happily married. I felt that my life was one big struggle, since childhood. Physically: tortured by demons for since I could remember until I was 23 yrs old when I got so fed up with it, that I started to fight back, and spiritually.
Being called a Jesus freak, by non-Christians, to being called a satanist and counterfeit, by fellow Christians.
When was it going to end?
I was down and out, I applied for work that I was qualified for, even went to one interview, yet, nothing.
So, in the end, the only job that I could find and be hired for on the spot was to work as a full-time bartender and waitress.
Not my idea of a fulfilling job, or respectable for that matter.
So I decided, well then, money is what I need to bring up my kids, and the colour of money is the same everywhere, so, I just accepted it.
I was already used to working as a bartender on Sundays for the last 7 years, to have a second income.
Sigh, I made peace with it and was grateful that I had a job at least, and I chose to” just do it”.
During my two and a half years as a full-time bartender and waitress, the most remarkable things started to happen.
There I learned more about how to flow with the Holy Spirit and how to minister better to the hurting and bleeding hearts.
I could not stop myself, as the love and passion I have for the underdogs, would just consume me, seeing their wounds, whereupon the Holy Spirit would just take over.
The privilege to be used by God to teach people, that they can heal and get up and face life again, and the most obvious, that Jesus loves them just as they are, and that they are beautiful.
While working at the previous biker bar, I already saw a few miracles, but working in the new bar, it increased.
People who would never go to a church sermon, or who would never go back to a church sermon, due to being wounded by the church, people that Father God wanted to reach.
He would throw me into situations, where I had to coach and minister to people on a higher level than before. It was difficult, as I had no formal training. I only had the Holy Spirit and my life experience.
My training ground.
I was in the marketplace, to minister unto people He wanted to reach, who will never go to a church building.
I had to learn how to walk like Jesus, and learn when it is Him talking or me. I had to learn to test the spirit. I had to learn when to speak and when not to, something that is difficult for me, as I want all people to be healed emotionally and saved, right on the spot.
There were many times that I would be shown what to say, but sadly, not all people chose to accept and act on it.